My World Has Been Rocked (And not in a good way)

I have thought about and started to write this post many times in the last couple of months but honestly, I just didn’t know what to say or how to say it. So here goes nothing.

My husband Pat and I are separated. Even typing that just now doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t seem real because never in a million years did I think I would be put in the position I am now. Betrayed not just by my husband, but by someone else who I considered a friend.

I am not going to go into all the sordid details today but I will give a bit of an overview and some background if you are new around here.

A Little Bit Of Our History

Pat and I had been married for 18 years and mostly together for a total of 24 years. We have three nearly grown children together. Like any couple we have had our ups and downs over the years but overall it was mostly ups. We were friends, we actually enjoyed hanging out with each other and we rarely fought. We were the couple many others saw as the one’s who will be together for the long haul. This last couple of years have been rough, as they have for many, but overall we were doing fairly well (or so I thought).

I/we haven’t done much gardening and homesteading activities this year as we (in retrospect it was mostly I ) spent the summer trying to work on our marriage after I discovered what was going on between him and someone else. 

Anyways, Pat moved out the end of August and I have been dealing with the aftermath of all this ever since. As I mentioned, we have three kids, so my focus has been on theirs and my mental and emotional health as well as figuring out how to be a single mom and all that entails, day to day, financially, etc.

On that note, I will be staying at our place at least until the spring and then I am not sure what will happen to our little homestead. Ideally I’d love to be able to afford it on my own, but at this point I just don’t know. Much as I’ve been reading about single women pioneers of the original homestead movement, I just don’t know yet if I can handle it all on my own (especially with my chronic illness which you can read more about here). Rest assured though, no matter what happens next, I will always continue doing some kinds of homesteading activities and certainly the homemaking side of things like home-cooking, canning and preserving food, hopefully still have some kind of garden etc. 

• The Single Women Who Homesteaded the West
• How To Homestead Alone and Not Die In the Process

What does this mean for Just Dabbling Along?

Well, as I mentioned above, I still plan on partaking in homesteading and homemaking activities so I will continue to bring content to this blog. It might be a little recipe and homemaking heavy for awhile (who am I kidding, it has been like that for awhile now!) but I really hope to be able to delve in more animal husbandry soon.

On the plus side, I find myself with a lot more time on my hands without a husband to run around after making sure all his needs are met, so I am planning on being more present here on the blog. The last few years I have struggled with balancing content of an instructional nature with more personal types of blogs but I hope to change that in the future. I’d love to hear from you all about what kinds of content you want to see more of here on Just Dabbling Along.

What I Am Grateful For

In all this mess and heartache I have been so very grateful for a few very important things.

1. The love and support of my incredible family (including my unbelievably fantastic kids).
2. The outpouring of support from amazing friends and wonderful co-workers. I honestly don’t think I would have made it through without the support of all these people.
3. My mostly stocked food pantry and freezers and emergency back ups. I am so glad that I have maintained these food stores as they were needed. Both on the days I couldn’t bear to go out and on the times where the months outrun the money. I know I have stuff in the freezers, canned goods etc to throw together for easy, mostly healthy meals.

And now I am going to sign off for today by sharing a couple of quotes that have inspired me and helped me get through the hell of pain of the last year.

“Some nights, the wolf inside of me shrinks to nothing, she bears her teeth and runs away. The dragon in my chest rejects me, she’s so tired of being slain. There are nights when the lioness cowers, says she can’t fight it another day….”     “What about the phoenix?” “She sits with me in the darkness. She whispers, We’ll rise. Just you wait.“

Your past is gone. Your mistakes are behind you. Focus on your gorgeous, unmarked, love-filled future. The only thing you are responsible for now is taking each step with intention. Rebuild your life. Make it gold.

-Cara Alwill Leyba

Related Posts:

• 10 Myths and Misconceptions about Homesteading
• When you feel like a Failure as a Homesteader
• About Sam and Just Dabbling Along
• How to Start Your Emergency Long-Term Food Storage
• Putting Together an Emergency Survival Kit for your Home